With an optimistic young man and a cynical young woman, this blog is satirical. Both educated, and furthering their education readers get to know the world through these two fabulously witty young adults. --I sound like a critique (French for Critic) I am good at it because I am critical. --E

Monday, August 13, 2012

Where I've been and what I've been doing.

Hello! My name is Rees, and I'm an alcoholic.
I know that some of you have been wondering where I've been, and by "some" I am, of course, referring to Karen Ripple, the love of my life<3. Although I don't owe you any sort of explanation regarding my absence,   I'm going to give you one anyway because my whorescope told me to...FML!

I MOVED TO OREM SUCKA!
Moving out of my parents' house was the most obese decision I've ever had to make.  I simply could not put up with my family's "openness" any longer--primarily because I'm insecure about the size of my penis as, frankly, it's just too large. In fact, ever since I was a child, people have commented on it, saying things like "You're penis is too large and oddly colored."
Orem is pretty cool if you're into gay bondage porn, but for everyone else, I would't recommend living here. It smells badly, and women breast feed in public, which isn't all bad I suppose.  I did, however, find momentary happiness when I happened upon a Starbucks but was completely torn asunder when I realized that the young, hip, and liberal  that used to occupy the aroma-therapeutic building were replaced with Azkaban wizard prison patients that'd survived all 7 movies. Plus no one here listens to Whitney Houston, which is a crime, and if I had to guess, I'd say they breath through their mouths and fart in the shower.

WORK
I still work at Rocky Mountain ATV/MC, and I still complain about it like the bitch I remain.  Other than a certain Hawaiian whose name starts with a 'D' and rhymes with Heybid, things are pretty good.  I got this dope-ass promotion titled "Call Center Supervisor" and now I get to tell those who irritate me that they irritate me.  It does have its drawbacks though:(.  I have to deal with that whole 'more power: more responsibility' bullshit, which is irritating.  To make matters worse, I don't even smell like the Michelin Man's testicles anymore and am really starting to wonder if the pros outweigh the cons.  I think the best thing is that I can now afford Seven (as in Fergie's lyrics, "SEVEN jeans true religion, I say no but they keep givin'") underwear, which give me a lot of "perk" down south.  FUN FACT: I haven't showered in, like, 3 weeks. So, yeah.

#Tired of Headings
I'm no longer going to be categorizing my "Where I've been" blog because I don't want to.  I doubt that anyone will make it this far anyways, but for those who have, blink twice. Fun. My laptop is currently burning my white-ass thighs so I am going to be changing positions. (Brief pause recommended)  I am done now. Oh!! I almost forgot to mention: if anyone wants to give me money, you can.  Also, I love coconuts. Other than work and Orem, not much has changed. I still want black children; I still want to kick everyone in the face; I still dislike most children; and I still kinda suk at speling;  My sister is still married, so that's good. My love life is still nonexistent.  I still have no ambition. I still refer to myself in third under alter ego number 2, "Daddy."

Watching the Olympics.
The Olympics is cool.. I really like black women, so I'm having a lot of fun with it.  Ryan Lochte may be the stoopidedest person that I've ever seen on TV, which is saying something because I often watch Teen Mom. Speaking of pregnant teens, I haven't hear from Elizabeth in a while. Text me at 8018222842 if you see her. 





That is how I am and where I've been in short.  If you have any questions then keep them to yourself...Asshole.

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