With an optimistic young man and a cynical young woman, this blog is satirical. Both educated, and furthering their education readers get to know the world through these two fabulously witty young adults. --I sound like a critique (French for Critic) I am good at it because I am critical. --E

Monday, August 13, 2012

Where I've been and what I've been doing.

Hello! My name is Rees, and I'm an alcoholic.
I know that some of you have been wondering where I've been, and by "some" I am, of course, referring to Karen Ripple, the love of my life<3. Although I don't owe you any sort of explanation regarding my absence,   I'm going to give you one anyway because my whorescope told me to...FML!

Moving out of my parents' house was the most obese decision I've ever had to make.  I simply could not put up with my family's "openness" any longer--primarily because I'm insecure about the size of my penis as, frankly, it's just too large. In fact, ever since I was a child, people have commented on it, saying things like "You're penis is too large and oddly colored."
Orem is pretty cool if you're into gay bondage porn, but for everyone else, I would't recommend living here. It smells badly, and women breast feed in public, which isn't all bad I suppose.  I did, however, find momentary happiness when I happened upon a Starbucks but was completely torn asunder when I realized that the young, hip, and liberal  that used to occupy the aroma-therapeutic building were replaced with Azkaban wizard prison patients that'd survived all 7 movies. Plus no one here listens to Whitney Houston, which is a crime, and if I had to guess, I'd say they breath through their mouths and fart in the shower.

I still work at Rocky Mountain ATV/MC, and I still complain about it like the bitch I remain.  Other than a certain Hawaiian whose name starts with a 'D' and rhymes with Heybid, things are pretty good.  I got this dope-ass promotion titled "Call Center Supervisor" and now I get to tell those who irritate me that they irritate me.  It does have its drawbacks though:(.  I have to deal with that whole 'more power: more responsibility' bullshit, which is irritating.  To make matters worse, I don't even smell like the Michelin Man's testicles anymore and am really starting to wonder if the pros outweigh the cons.  I think the best thing is that I can now afford Seven (as in Fergie's lyrics, "SEVEN jeans true religion, I say no but they keep givin'") underwear, which give me a lot of "perk" down south.  FUN FACT: I haven't showered in, like, 3 weeks. So, yeah.

#Tired of Headings
I'm no longer going to be categorizing my "Where I've been" blog because I don't want to.  I doubt that anyone will make it this far anyways, but for those who have, blink twice. Fun. My laptop is currently burning my white-ass thighs so I am going to be changing positions. (Brief pause recommended)  I am done now. Oh!! I almost forgot to mention: if anyone wants to give me money, you can.  Also, I love coconuts. Other than work and Orem, not much has changed. I still want black children; I still want to kick everyone in the face; I still dislike most children; and I still kinda suk at speling;  My sister is still married, so that's good. My love life is still nonexistent.  I still have no ambition. I still refer to myself in third under alter ego number 2, "Daddy."

Watching the Olympics.
The Olympics is cool.. I really like black women, so I'm having a lot of fun with it.  Ryan Lochte may be the stoopidedest person that I've ever seen on TV, which is saying something because I often watch Teen Mom. Speaking of pregnant teens, I haven't hear from Elizabeth in a while. Text me at 8018222842 if you see her. 

That is how I am and where I've been in short.  If you have any questions then keep them to yourself...Asshole.

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